The Red Velvet DOW: The Saga Continues, A Cook's Story

A Note from This Cook to her readers: After I heard how The Great Cake War of 2010 was escalating I decided that it was not a good idea to continue to allow the employees of Paltivac Paper to post on this site. I didn’t want to encourage childish office politics. However, you, my readers, have repeatedly requested an update, so against my better judgment I’m allowing them to post again. Here it is…

THE RECIPE

Red Velvet Cake

STILL a Private Recipe

A COOK’S STORY

To the thief or thieves that stole our cake (again),

After our official Declaration of War (DOW), the office kitchen was quiet. At first we thought maybe the whole incident would blow over. When we did not receive a replacement cake by March 12^th we decided to be the bigger person and drop the whole issue. Several weeks went by and we assumed that this whole issue was put to bed. We even began to feel a bit immature for posting our DOW online and for making such a big deal out of such a trivial cake-based issue. After all, it was just a cake.

And then…THIS:

This was posted on Monday, March 29^th. The fact that it was posted weeks after our DOW has brought us to a few conclusions:

· You are truly immature, mean spirited and volatile. Clearly, while we had been thinking this whole thing was a misunderstanding, you had been simmering, biding your time and planning your attack. Callous.

· You are stupid. We feel that the length between our DOW and your posting of this sick ransom note indicates not just the above about you, but that you were potentially too bogged down by work to do anything sooner. This is a helpful clue into which company on our floor you are…

· Justice must prevail. We cannot sit idly by while someone we share a communal space with makes the decision to act so irresponsibly and unprofessionally.

· You are even more stupid to think we’d EVER even contemplate leaving cupcakes out for you. Cupcakes---the most sacred of baked goods. Plus, we don’t make cupcakes, we buy them from Sugar Sweet Sunshine, the BEST cupcake place in Manhattan. They look like this:

Want some? Too bad we had them in the office all day today but kept them hidden and away from your corrupt hands. Your stupidity humors us.

Remedies Left to Restore Peace

· NONE

Game on. We are currently regrouping with our forces and when we choose to attack, our wrath will be felt. You have been warned.

Signed,

The Paltivac Paper Collective, 332 Winter Street, 4^th Floor

New Apartment Quiche!

THE RECIPE

Gruyere & Mushroom Quiche

My OWN recipe!!

Ingredients

1 ½ cups Gruyere cheese, grated (approx .45 oz)

¾ lb of mixed mushrooms: 1 8oz pkge of baby bellas & 6 creminis; quartered & stemless

½ of a small to mediumish onion cut up in pieces that are between a dice & slice: slidiced

¼ tsp salt

¼ tsp pepper

1 pre-made Pillsbury pie crust

1 egg yolk, whipped

3 eggs

1 cup heavy (whipping) cream (they call it whipping cream at the store)

¼ tsp salt

½ tsp pepper

Directions

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Mix mushrooms, onion, ¼ tsp salt & ¼ tsp pepper in a medium size bowl. Spread mushroom & onion mix onto baking sheet lined with tinfoil. Cook for 15 minutes.

While they are cooking roll one Pillsbury pie crust (that’s at room temp) into 9 inch pie plate. Brush the crust with egg yolk. Line crust with grated Gruyere cheese.

Take mushrooms & onions out of oven & set on stove top to cool. Reduce oven temp to 375 degrees. In a large bowl whip cream, eggs, remaining salt & pepper. Mix in mushrooms & onions. Pour into pie crust.

Bake for approx 35-40 minutes or until it looks done. If I can put a fork in the middle & pull it out cleanly, then I consider it done. But then after that I usually cook it 1 to 2 more minutes for ‘safety’---although, I’m not sure what that even means. I just do.

THIS COOK’S STORY

It’s the first dish I cook in my new apartment (my move was this week & getting ready for it is what has caused a mini-hiatus in posts---I apologize) and new kitchen and it is one of my own recipes. I never thought I’d come up with my own recipe…and granted, it’s sort of a hodge podge of reading up in various places about quiches. But, it’s still mine!

So, here it is…

Why Mushroom & Gruyere Quiche?

I like to ask, why not? I like cheese and mushrooms and quiche. Does there need to be any other reason? I chose Baby Bellas because I know I like them and they came in a nice package. But some fancy quiche recipes I had seen had multiple fancy kinds of mushrooms in them. Some of the fancy ones scare me a little (what parts of them are safe to use, why are they squishy, things like that…)but the Cremini looked pretty normal and also had a lovely sounding name, so once again I figured, hey, why not? Where the selection of Gruyere cheese came from I’m not quite sure. I think I used it last time I made a quiche, but that may have been Swiss…hmm. A friend mentioned Gruyere the other day when I said I was going to make a quiche, so that’s probably where that came from.

And speaking of Gruyere, I’d like to address how recipes talk about cheese. When cheese needs to be grated and it’s just listed as 2 cups or 1 cup or 1 ½ cups---it is NOT helpful if you are grating your own cheese. Cheese wedges come in ounces, not cups! I asked the guy in the cheese dept. how much Gruyere I needed to shred 1 ½ cups and he said that about a lb of cheese is about 1 cup---or at least that’s what I thought he said. Clearly that is WRONG. I bought 3 wedges that totaled about 1lb (16 oz). Guess how much I needed---one of those damn wedges. So, for all future reference approx .43 oz of Gruyere cheese equals 1 ½ cups of grated Gruyere cheese. And I helpfully listed it in my ingredients list as such, I’m hoping this catches on.

What about the crust?

I use pre-made crust! Now that I’m in my new kitchen, I do plan on learning how to make crust. But so far, this Pillsbury one has never let me down, so why fix it if it ain’t broken?

Tips & Hints & stuff like that…

Brushing the crust w/egg yolk & then layering it with the cheese are tips I learned from The Joy of Cooking. I’m not sure what the point of the yolk brushing is---especially because you’re ultimately just pouring an egg mixture into there anyway. But, I tried it last time and nothing went wrong, so I figured I’d keep it up.

I will say, that putting the cheese in the pie crust first and NOT in the egg & cream mixture does do some good---my last quiche was super fluffy and I think its because I put the cheese on the bottom. I don’t know if this is really the case or just something I imagined in my head, but I like to think it keeps the cheese from getting all up in the egg mixture and making it less fluffy. I also read online that cooking the veggies before putting them in the quiche will keep it from becoming watery---hence me including that step in my recipe.

I will say I was a little worried about the cream…I had read you should use heavy cream, but what they had at Whole Foods was labeled heavy ‘whipping’ cream---so when I whisked it with the eggs I prayed it wouldn’t turn into whipped cream. And it didn’t! Although the more I think about it the more I think the last amazing quiche I made definitely had skim milk and not heavy cream. Oops.

The Taste Test

It was good! Not as amazing as I remember my last quiche being---but I now thing 2 key elements are coming back to me. Last time I:

--used skim milk

--used swiss cheese (I think…)

But because this is the first recipe of my own creating in my brand new apartment and my brand new kitchen it shall always have a special place in my heart.

Now, if I can figure out what to do with all that leftover Gruyere…suggestions welcome.

The Red Velvet DOW: A Cook's Story

THE RECIPE

Red Velvet Cake

Private Recipe

A COOK’S STORY

Note to This Cook (and her readers): Thank you for allowing us to air our food grievance on your blog. We know it’s a requirement to post recipes, but we are holding that information hostage until the perpetrators of this culinary crime come forward and are made to bear the full consequences of their actions.

To the thief or thieves that stole our cake,

We may not know who you are, but it’s only a matter of time. We are on to you and you will not go unpunished. What you did that unforgettable day in March is unconscionable, deceitful and above all unprofessional. This post is our official Declaration of War (DOW).

We, the 5-employee team of the Paltivac Paper Collective, and co-habitators of the 4^th Floor of 332 Winter Street, hereby declare an inter-office war on an unknown enemy.

Our Grievances

· To commemorate the 35^th birthday of one of our employees, another of our employees, baked a red velvet cake. She brought said cake to our place of work, the 4^th floor of 332 Winter Street on March 8, 2010.

· Up until this day, we have shared the 4^th floor space and its communal kitchen and pantry areas with a multitude of different companies, vendors, businesses and professionals. On March 8, 2010, three other companies were in residence, totaling 19 employees in addition to our 5 with access to the kitchen and pantry areas.

· The red velvet cake was placed on the kitchen counter in a plastic cake container at approximately 10:17am. It was NOT placed on a communal kitchen table, the lid was not removed and there were no serving instruments, plates or napkins near it.

· Our team had plans to enjoy said cake at approximately 3pm, after we had gone to a group birthday lunch. After we cut the cake and each received a slice, our plan was to then move the cake onto the communal table, along with plates, napkins, forks and a serving knife, to indicate that whomever else on the floor outside our company who wanted a piece was more than welcome to it.

· We returned to the kitchen at approximately 2:37pm and when an employee went to prepare the cake with candles, they discovered it was no longer on the counter.

· A search of the refrigerator and all other public surfaces of the communal kitchen and pantry area yielded no signs of the cake.

· At 2:53pm, after much searching and loud verbal inquiries into the open space asking, “Who took our cake?” went unanswered, dirty plates and utensils with remnants of red velvet cake were discovered in the dishwasher.

· At 2:54pm, the used and now empty plastic cake container was discovered in the garbage.

· At 2:57pm more shouting and inquiry ensued, again requesting to know “Who took our cake?”

· At 2:58pm after no one responded, the empty container was placed back on the communal counter with a post it note attached declaring, Exhibit A.

· At 3:01pm the dirty dishes and utensils were placed next to Exhibit A and labeled, Exhibit B.

· It is now March 9^th and no one has come forward to claim responsibility for taking the ENTIRE cake that was prepared by one employee of Paltivac Paper Collective and consumed by none of them.

Remedies Necessary to Restore Peace

· If a replacement cake is not delivered to the communal areas of 332 Winter Street, 4^th Floor with a note attached declaring it the sole property of Paltivac Paper Collective by the end of business day (6pm) on Friday, March 12^th, we will initiate attack.

P.S. That cake was a delicious concoction. The recipe is highly prized. We feel it is in the best interest of the perpetrators to comply with our demands and provide a replacement cake by the said deadline so that we can release the recipe for both the cake and icing on this blog. Although, we are aware that any replacement cake will not come close to being as tasty or delicious as the original, we do not want to deny the readers of this blog the joy of tasting it for themselves.

P.P.S. The pics posted here are of the process of making said, stolen cake. May the perpetrators comply & the recipe be revealed post haste.

Signed,

The Paltivac Paper Collective, 332 Winter Street, 4^th Floor