The Red Velvet DOW: A Cook's Story

THE RECIPE

Red Velvet Cake

Private Recipe

A COOK’S STORY

Note to This Cook (and her readers): Thank you for allowing us to air our food grievance on your blog. We know it’s a requirement to post recipes, but we are holding that information hostage until the perpetrators of this culinary crime come forward and are made to bear the full consequences of their actions.

To the thief or thieves that stole our cake,

We may not know who you are, but it’s only a matter of time. We are on to you and you will not go unpunished. What you did that unforgettable day in March is unconscionable, deceitful and above all unprofessional. This post is our official Declaration of War (DOW).

We, the 5-employee team of the Paltivac Paper Collective, and co-habitators of the 4^th Floor of 332 Winter Street, hereby declare an inter-office war on an unknown enemy.

Our Grievances

· To commemorate the 35^th birthday of one of our employees, another of our employees, baked a red velvet cake. She brought said cake to our place of work, the 4^th floor of 332 Winter Street on March 8, 2010.

· Up until this day, we have shared the 4^th floor space and its communal kitchen and pantry areas with a multitude of different companies, vendors, businesses and professionals. On March 8, 2010, three other companies were in residence, totaling 19 employees in addition to our 5 with access to the kitchen and pantry areas.

· The red velvet cake was placed on the kitchen counter in a plastic cake container at approximately 10:17am. It was NOT placed on a communal kitchen table, the lid was not removed and there were no serving instruments, plates or napkins near it.

· Our team had plans to enjoy said cake at approximately 3pm, after we had gone to a group birthday lunch. After we cut the cake and each received a slice, our plan was to then move the cake onto the communal table, along with plates, napkins, forks and a serving knife, to indicate that whomever else on the floor outside our company who wanted a piece was more than welcome to it.

· We returned to the kitchen at approximately 2:37pm and when an employee went to prepare the cake with candles, they discovered it was no longer on the counter.

· A search of the refrigerator and all other public surfaces of the communal kitchen and pantry area yielded no signs of the cake.

· At 2:53pm, after much searching and loud verbal inquiries into the open space asking, “Who took our cake?” went unanswered, dirty plates and utensils with remnants of red velvet cake were discovered in the dishwasher.

· At 2:54pm, the used and now empty plastic cake container was discovered in the garbage.

· At 2:57pm more shouting and inquiry ensued, again requesting to know “Who took our cake?”

· At 2:58pm after no one responded, the empty container was placed back on the communal counter with a post it note attached declaring, Exhibit A.

· At 3:01pm the dirty dishes and utensils were placed next to Exhibit A and labeled, Exhibit B.

· It is now March 9^th and no one has come forward to claim responsibility for taking the ENTIRE cake that was prepared by one employee of Paltivac Paper Collective and consumed by none of them.

Remedies Necessary to Restore Peace

· If a replacement cake is not delivered to the communal areas of 332 Winter Street, 4^th Floor with a note attached declaring it the sole property of Paltivac Paper Collective by the end of business day (6pm) on Friday, March 12^th, we will initiate attack.

P.S. That cake was a delicious concoction. The recipe is highly prized. We feel it is in the best interest of the perpetrators to comply with our demands and provide a replacement cake by the said deadline so that we can release the recipe for both the cake and icing on this blog. Although, we are aware that any replacement cake will not come close to being as tasty or delicious as the original, we do not want to deny the readers of this blog the joy of tasting it for themselves.

P.P.S. The pics posted here are of the process of making said, stolen cake. May the perpetrators comply & the recipe be revealed post haste.

Signed,

The Paltivac Paper Collective, 332 Winter Street, 4^th Floor